1am Noise Complaint

Yes, I am aware that you do not want to read whiny complaint blog-posts. But it's 1am and I have nothing better to do.
To set the scene, I live on a farm. The neighbours, (approx. 1km away), are having a party of some sort. Yes, yes lovely, good on them for having a social life.. However, does the music have to be SO LOUD that it is keeping me awake? For goodness sake, a whole freakin' KILOMETRE! Might I add, I'm half deaf - and they will be too by the time this party finishes!

Enough whinging, I'll be off. Til next time.. Ciao!

Perfume

Wow, feels like an eternity since I last posted. Haven't been particularly busy, just haven't had alot to write about. Okay, I lie; I've had plenty to write about, however I'm a lazy bastard and couldn't be bothered getting off my fat arse to write anything.

So here's the lowdown on what's been happening in my absence. Saturday night, I babysat for a new woman in town. Her two children (aged 18 months and 3 years) were absolutely adorable - then they woke up. Anyone noticed how even the most angelic-looking child loses his or her appeal when they wake at 1am screaming for their mother?

Sunday morning when I arrived home, I was handed a tube of personal lubricant by my dear old grandmother who seemed convinced it was ointment to relieve the joints - the picture of a moaning woman on the front of the tube wasn't a dead giveaway?

Monday, was drama day. It rained incessantly, thus causing every road in the area to flood and be closed off. This forced me to cancel my long-awaited rheumatologist appointment for today, to be postponed until the end of September; only to awake this morning to clear skies and dry roads. Ah, such is life.

I watched the film "Perfume" today, and as disturbing as it was, it had an element that made it stand out from all others. Perhaps it was the mass orgy it featured, perhaps it was the fact it ended with the main character being eaten alive by 18th century parisian peasants, I do not know. Either way, it was enjoyable, but I must say, rather disturbing. I recommend seeing it, if not for anything else then just to see Alan Rickman in that lovely prehistoric wig.

Potty for Potter

This evening I went to get my hair trimmed. That part of the story is quite boring, however, the trip home was a whole new ball game. On the way down our road, we ran into a very thick, cold fog. So thick, in fact, that you couldn't see the lights from houses mere metres away. So what is the first thought that comes into my pathetic Potter-obsessed mind? Yep, you guessed it - DEMENTORS! I honestly, for a split second, sat in fear that my soul would be sucked out through my mouth. Pitiful arn't I? For those of you who have not read J. K. Rowling's Harry Potter series, and therefore do not get the joke, I highly suggest you get off your arse and go read them right away! They really are a fantastic read, her imagination is incredible. Not just for kids either, as so many assume. Go on, laugh all you want, I'm too pathetic to be embarrassed anyhow!

Drumroll please

Today is the day you've all been waiting for, the eagarly anticipated Friendship Webgroup of Miss Joanne, is finally OPEN! And it looks superb (if I may say so myself). Congratulations Jo, and I look forward to working with you more in the future.

'Til next time folks, stay safe, and don't run with scissors. Ciao!

R.I.P. Kettle

The visitors have finally left, and even the other permanent residents of the house have cleared out for the night - Woooohooo!

Today I started a 'nazi' clean-up of the kitchen. I say 'started', as I spent over four hours on it and only managed to wipe the benches, wash all the dinnerplates, throw out the kettle, and scrub the George Foreman. Have you ever tried cleaning day-old steak residue off a George Foreman using a toothbrush? Honestly George, your grill is fantastic, but for god's sake, next time you invent a kitchen appliance, a little less of the tiny nooks and crannies would be great!

After spending one and a half hours scrubbing the kettle with any means available, (bi-carb soda, white vinegar, disinfectant, hot water, steel wool and a toothbrush), this was the end result:

Needless to say, the dead kettle went straight in the bin, and has been replaced with a brand-spankin' new one. Just like the old one - minus the grime.

Happy to announce that Jo's webgroup is nearly ready to be revealed. Looks like tomorrow may be the day! Watch this space.

Having the house to one's self calls for vodka, chocolate, and Denzel Washington. Off to self indulge, au revoir!

In the beginning...

In honour of Jo's new friendship webgroup (coming soon to a computer near you), I propose a toast. Please raise your glasses, (be they filled with beer, wine, cranberry juice, poison, spiked with viagra, whatever), to the friends of yesterday, today and tomorrow. May they all lead long and successful lives filled with plenty of good food, good wine, and mind-blowing sex. Although the seas may come between us, may we always be side-by-side at heart.

On a more personal note, today will soon be marked in history as the day the nut was finally cracked. My lovely family is currently visiting, (oh whay heartfelt joy it brings me), and the four charming children and two delightful adults temporarily inhabiting my household have finally (don't pretend you didn't see it coming) plotted to destroy the free world as we know it. Therefore, I fear I may have to go into hiding (I wonder if Osama has any advice on cave décor...) until they tire and depart from the residence.

Until next time folks, no worries, be happy, keep smiling, and don't forget to change your underwear daily. Adios!