Twisted Nostalgia

Finally got some exercise today. I'd forgotten the blissful comfort of trainers compared to the high personal cost of the painful (yet effortlessly chic) stilletto.



As I ran the first hundred metres (before collapsing onto a fence post), I was vividly reminded of 8th grade gym class, during a lesson that suggested we run around the school breathing through a straw to see what it felt like to breathe through smoker's lungs. Of course, after the lesson, we all rolled our eyes then snuck behind the bike shed for a quick fag. Ahh, if only we had listened.



Nevertheless, I gathered myself up and completed my twenty minute run, then spent the following ten minutes doing squats and rolling around on the grass with Sara, my dog.



Phew! Think I'll go shower & get into bed to watch Sense & Sensibility. Mmm.. Colonel Brandon.

Shake, Rattle and Roll

I had to slip into Centerlink today to pick up a form, but was running late for the doctors, and in quite the rush. When I got in there, the line ahead of me was at least 4 people long, and there was nobody at the reception desk. Frustrated, I slipped over to one of the desks, where a woman was sat sipping diet coke and cleaning her nails. The conversation went down as follows:

Me: Excuse me, I'm sure you're very busy but...

Woman: Absolutely swamped actually..

Me: Yes well, I'm running late, so I was just wondering if I could pick up a TDR form please?

Woman: Just give me a moment [picks at her nails for a furthur 30 seconds, takes a swig of diet coke] Okay..

She then proceeded to hand me the form then hurry back to her desk for some furthur "busywork".

I made it to the doctors, and am now on a lovely new cocktail of pills. Pretty soon we won't need music at parties. Whenever someone feels like dancing, one of my friends will only have to pick me up and shake me to the appropriate beat.

I Do Believe In Fairies

In-depth discussion with five-year-old, Brock, after watching the film "Peter Pan":

Brock: Why doesn't Peter Pan want to grow up?

Myself: He wants to stay a child forever, so he can play all the time, and not have to worry about any of the things grown-ups do, like working, bills, and housework.

Brock: What I don't like about being a kid is, when you're playing, you get interupted.

In other news, I have survived day one of the relative invasion, with only a few small cuts and bruises. The only issue we’ve really had was the grandfather who was so drunk he fell on his backside and swore we'd just experienced an earthquake.

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to know where to hide the bodies of the relatives I had to kill today because they pissed me off."